You Are Not Bad with Money: Releasing Financial Shame and Reclaiming Your Power
"Shame keeps us stuck. Compassion sets us free." - Erika Dox-Martinez
The Silent Struggle So Many of Us Carry 🤫
Let’s talk about it - money shame is real, and it's weighing us down.
It doesn’t just whisper, “You made a mistake.”
It shouts:
“You’re bad with money.”
“You’re behind, and it’s all your fault.”
“You should have figured this out by now.”
That voice? It’s not the truth. It’s shame.
And it doesn’t just live in your mind - it settles in your body.
You feel it in the pit of your stomach, the tightness in your chest, the urge to avoid your finances altogether.
Whether it’s debt, no savings, overspending, or just feeling “behind,” money shame runs deep.
But before we work through it, let’s first understand how shame differs from guilt because knowing the difference matters.
The Difference Between Financial Shame & Financial Guilt 💡
Understanding the difference is key because while shame and guilt feel similar, they affect us in very different ways.
💡 Financial Shame says: “I am bad with money.”
It attacks your identity, disconnects you from your power, and keeps you stuck in silence and avoidance.
You might feel frozen, anxious, or completely shut down.
And when your nervous system is in stress mode, even opening your budgeting app can feel like a threat.
💡 Financial Guilt says: “I made a bad money decision.”
Guilt is about behavior—not who you are. And when it’s not overwhelming, it can help you course correct.
It might sound like:
“I overspent this weekend.”
“That wasn’t the best choice for me.”
“I wish I had handled that differently.”
Guilt invites growth if you're curious about why and how you can tackle this better next time?
Whereas shame keeps you stuck.
💭 So how do you know which one you’re feeling?
Ask yourself: “Am I judging what I did? Or who I am?”
If it’s about who you are, that’s shame and it needs compassion, not criticism.
When I was planning my wedding, it should’ve been one of the most joyful times in my life. But behind looking at how much the beautiful dress, a 3-tier cake and dreamy NYC venue were going to cost, I felt so embarrassed and ashamed because I had no savings, a mountain of debt, and a voice inside screaming:
“You’re 32. You’re an accountant. You should know better by now. You are a failure!”
That moment was my wake-up call. I knew I didn’t want that shame to define my story, and the criticism needed to stop so I reclaimed my power one step at a time, and the rest is herstory!
Five Compassionate Ways to Move Through Financial Shame 💖
1. Create Safety in Your Body
Financial shame often lives in the body—tight shoulders, a racing heart, that pit in your stomach when you think about looking at your numbers.
It’s not just avoidance - it’s a nervous system response.
In moments like that, what you need most is to feel safe again. Before you look at your finances or try to work through anything, consider calming your space and your body.
🌸 Try this:
Set a calming stage - maybe some music, your favorite candle, etc.
Place your feet flat on the ground and take a few deep, slow breaths.
Say: “It’s safe to look at or work on this now. I don’t have to do it all at once.”
2. Acknowledge the Shame - Without Judgment
This step is not about blame. It’s about creating space for truth, so instead of brushing it off or hiding from it, try saying to yourself:
“I’m feeling ashamed about (fill in the blank) right now and that’s okay.”
🧘🏽♀️ Try this: Sit with your feelings for a few minutes. Where do you feel the shame in your body? Name it gently and notice it with care.
3. Ask: Whose Shame Is This? Then Reframe It
Is this shame even yours? So much of our money shame is inherited from family, culture, or professional roles.
I used to hear: “You make a lot of money so how can YOU be so bad with it?”
But that voice wasn’t mine and was I really that bad with money? I was actually doing my best with the tools I had! And knew I was capable of learning new and better tools...
💭 Try this: When you notice a shameful money thought, ask:
Where did this even come from? Is it true?
What would I say to a loved one in my shoes?
What do I want to choose to think now, from a place of compassion?
4. Do a Gentle Inventory
Looking at your numbers can be triggering, but with the right energy, it becomes empowering!
I created a calming space and promised myself: “No shame. Just truth.”
And I finally listed out all of my debt and expenses so I could come up with a plan to become debt free and also save for my wedding simultaneously.
It wasn’t easy, but it helped me take back my power.
👀 Try this: List out your debts, bills, or expenses in a calm, supportive setting and remind yourself: “These numbers do not define me. They just give me a starting point so I can execute the best plan for me.”
5. Celebrate Small Wins
Change doesn’t happen in one big moment. It’s built on small, consistent steps - so celebrate to build self-trust!
Reading this blog
Looking at your bank account
Opening a high yield savings account even if just with $10
Saying “no” to something that doesn’t align with financial goals
🎉 Try this: Write down one small money win this week and say, “That counts. I’m proud of me.”
Financial Bliss Begins with Compassion🌱
If you’ve been stuck in shame around money, I want you to know:
You’re not failing. You’re feeling.
💖 You are not behind.
💖 You are not bad with money.
💖 You are not your debt or your bank balance.
💖 You are a cycle-breaker.
💖 You are healing, learning and growing.
💖 You are resilient and so worthy of a financial life that feels blissful, peaceful, powerful and true to you.
Keep going, BLI$$ Seeker! You’re doing beautifully.
Your Next Step: Move Forward with Compassion and Clarity 💸
If you’d like more support on your next steps toward financial peace of mind aka BLI$$, I’m here to guide you - gently and judgment-free.💫
Explore my free and paid resources designed to help you feel safe, supported, and more in control of your financial life. Click here to take a look!
With love and gratitude,
Erika Dox-Martinez - Trauma of Money Certified Financial Wellness Coach - CEO & Founder of Blissful Vida
